Titans v Saints 8th July 2019

 

The 7-7 draw in their first encounter of the season meant we were in for a tight game when Saints met Titans at the The Leigh Miners Table Tennis, Bowls, Darts, Pool, Rugby, Zumba, Yoga and Knitting Club.

Last minute team news had worried the Titans supported because Lee ’Pugwash’ Smith was out with a serious neck injury. The rumour was that he had come off a bike taking a tight bend at Pennington Flash. Other stories abounded ... some said he was practising his High Wire act for the Leigh Carnival and had a bad fall ... but that seemed far fetched.

So the most likely cause was an accident during his weekend Morris Dancing displays. When he eventually arrived the fans were keen to find out the truth ... “I just slept funny on me neck” said Pugwash. There was an audible sigh of relief from the crowd when they heard this.

 

Amos Brearly kicked off proceedings with a narrow win over Davy Jones ... Davy saved 8 match points before losing 11-9 in the decider. Galeforce (in for the seriously injured Pugwash) restored the balance for Titans beating Dennis ... it was 1-all and it has all the hallmarks of a tight game.

When Minh did a switcheroo on Nev (whatever a switcheroo is) he set the standard for Saints ... and they went on a five game unbeaten run.  Davy Jones tried to stop the rot against Minh ... but so used to winning were the Saints boys that Minh thought he had won after the second set ... he went to shake hands when in fact it was 1-1.  Celebrations were premature by Minh, Davy went on to win the third.

Hang on a minute here comes another winning spree! Saints were on a roll.  They won another 5 in a row.  Davy Jones was in the mix again and had a walloping game with Scamperer that included a 19-17 first set.  Finally some order was restored by Cappo Nev when he won the last match for Titans but it was a case of too little too late.  And although many of the matches were close Saints had won 11-3 on the night.

 

Boris bounced into the Sky Sports studio and announced himself as guest pundit ... “I don’t think Titans were really in the hunt ... golly gosh I don’t mean Jeremy Hunt, I mean in the game ... By Gove that could have been awkward ... sorry, I mean By Jove not By Gove ... erm, well, erm that sort of sums it up well don’t you think”.

They turned off the camera and the microphone and the studio lights ... and left our future Prime Minister to bumble on ... and on ... and on.

Dragons V Titans 1st July 2019

Team news Dragons :- Ian back in at one with Joe Kidd Lawless at two Dave G & Cappo Galeforce bring up the rear.Titans:- At full strength Big N/Casey/Pug & Mossy.

First up Big Nev gets the better of Kidd Lawless who is playing on both tables so no time to spare chatting tonight off he goes to play for Crusaders. Galeforce comes out on top in the battle of independence, England beating Wales back to the land of sheep. Ian it’s all over now making his Dragons debut this year with an impressive victory over Casey Jones. When DB (dodgy bat) Goulden beat Mossy the Dragons took control 3-1.

This got better as Dragons 1 & 2 took the doubles in a strange game with each side taking one set easy only to see Dragons Combo ease to victory in the third and that got even better when Galeforce with some luck beat the unlucky Mossy 2-1 which put Dragons 5-1 up. Pugwash pulled out all the shorts to make a great come back to beat DB but this victory was soon equalled when Kidd Lawless beat Casey 2 nil, 6-2 Dragons. BFG (Nev) got one back for Titans beating the very unlucky Ian.

Dragon’s double success continued and Kidd Lawless beat Mossy to give Dragons a commanding lead 8-3. BFG was too hot for DB and when Casey got the boiler red hot he out hit Galeforce to get Titans back in the contest 8-5. The commentator beat Pugwash to leave the score 9-5 a great win for the Dragons outfit.

Chris Tarrant was special guest in the sky sport studio and he instantly spotted some famous TV stars amongst all the players on both matches. I remember Amos on Bullseye years ago he’s not changed a bit, except his sides have gone a little grey. I personally remember Pugwash Smith, I interviewed him for who wants to be a Millionaire, and I asked him a couple of question to see if he was good enough to get on the show. First question what new show is on All4 he replied “Awrah Shipmates” correct. Second Question which town in Surrey is on the river Thames and was awarded for its outstanding beauty he answered “Awrah seaman Staines” correct. He made it through to the second round where we asked him to sign his name at the side of the X but unfortunately he grabbed the paper and ran off shouting ”I’ve got the treasure map mi hearties”. We never saw him again shame…….   

Dragons V Saints 24th June 2019

Team selection for this one went from bad to worse quickly, with different reasons from various players, hope everything is OK for you all.

So teams: - Dragons captained by number 3 today Garfin the only team player left had Joe Kidd Lawless at number 1, Casey Jones at 2 and Rambo Davies at 4. Not so bad for Saints turning out Amos Ainsworth at 1, Joe Sugden Minh Le at 2, Dennis the Menace moving up to 3 and debutant Nick Kraftwerk Roberts at 4.

Casey V Amos to kick things off, this ebbed and flowed in the first with PA taking it 16 -14 and then cleaned up after last orders to win 2 nil. Rambo still high from his MoM award left Menace for dead to level the match. Then a strange one Joe Kidd easy winning the first against Joe Sug then this reversed easy win for Joe Sug to take us into a thrilling third. Not seen movement like this since the last time I had a bad pint, Lawless edging it to put Dragons in front. Kraftwerk entered the arena stretching out his legs and twirling showing off his fine kit designed by PingPong, up against Galeforce who seemed to be more like a ligtht drizzle. Roberts off the mark in summer league with some Galeforce like forehands. Score on the doors 2 all.

Into the first doubles and Peter & Minh win it comfortably to take the lead. Bring it on Rambo V Catwalk Roberts sees an entertaining game go Rambo’s way, taking his winning streak to 6. Galeforce edges Den to put Dragons back in front but this didn’t last long with Minh edging out Casey and when Amos beat Kidd 2-1 in a great game Saints nudged in front 5-4.

Second doubles and the scores go back level with the Dragons pair just getting home and when Casey beats Catwalk in two Dragons back in front 6-5. The shock of the night looked on with Galeforce 9-1 up V Amos but you never can stop playing your shots against Peter and a minute later 10 all incredibly Galeforce wins it 12-10 but the writing was on the wall 2-1 Peter scores level at 6 each. Could Rambo finish things of bang crash wallop Minh puts Saints in front? The vast crowd think it’s going to end in a draw but Dennis the Menace thinks otherwise taking the first against a tense Lawless and at 9-8 up DM looked good but somehow Joe Kidd dug very deep to win 2-1 to as the crowd cheered another 7 all draw.

This match was watched by Asda clothing giant George Davies. He told talk sport the moves around the arena were superb. Adding Kidd, Rambo, Sugden and that lovely boy Kraftwerk could all make it on the catwalk but unfortunately Amos, Casey, Menace and knobbly knees Garfin have not a cat in hells chance. Oh well I’ll stick to TT then.

Thanks everyone for a great entertaining evening.

Titans V Crusaders 17th June 2019

After the first round matches ended in draws this was a great opportunity for one team to stamp their foot on the league, would it be Neville’s size 15’s or not so little Adam’s size 9’s ( it’s costing his parents a fortune changing his shoes weekly with this non-stop growing serge ).

Late drama in team selection for the Crusaders, number One Lefty Williams in bed with flu and 100% Whitworth keeping in with the in-laws, so in comes David “I’ll have your shoes Adam” Lawless and Galeforce for Jacob. Jim Bolton back replaces stand-in Owdmon. Titans unchanged.

Off we go and an incredible start with this make shift Crusaders team winning the first four sets. Bosman Bolton’s win against the out of sought Patterson and Rambo Davies win against Pugwash the eyelight’s.

Titan’s are made of strong stuff and they bounced back winning the doubles 2-0 after being 7 nil down in the second and then taking three of the four match up games with only Rambo Davies beating Mossy in a great game with Sandra having chances. Puggy & Mossy then beat Galeforce & Rambo to tie the match at 5 all.

 

This was certainly heading for another drawn match with the four remaining games usually going to the seeded players but Rambo Davies put on his war paint and headband and marched to the table with an evil glare Casey Jones’s train stop rolling as Rambo rocked 2 nil, Davies was jubilant taking the MoM award.

This was start of something special with Crusaders rocking and rolling through the card to take the last four matches, final score 9 – 5.

With a busy week in politics special guest reviewer was Leyther Victoria Derbyshire, Ramsbottom born but brought up in Pennington. She had not been to the miners for years and enjoyed this excellent match. She watched with amazement at the nibble Rambo Davies & the speed of little Lawless, it reminded her of a slim little politician who’s running for PM, just like Rambo he destroys everything he touches at the speed of Lawless and that’s why she called him Hunt. Great game well done Rambo.

Saints v Titans  10th June 2019

 

The first night of the Leigh Summer League Division 1 burst into action with a traditional Leigh St George fanfare ... you know the one ... it’s a bit like the Champions League fanfare ... except this one is whistled by Kev Meredith.  We think he was whistling, although he could just have been sucking a nut out of his false teeth.

 

The Saints were led by Cappo Ainsworth ... sporting his summer sideburns ... not quite the full Amos Brearly ... a more modern, trimmed version ... making him look altogether more dashing.  Titans had Cappo Patterson at the wheel ... the gentle giant was once more pitted against his old adversary.

 

Saints were Cappo Ainsworth, Minh Le, Smash Scamperer and Dennis (the menace) Johnson ... the Titans line up was Cappo Nev, Davy Jones, Lee ‘Pugwash’ Smith and The Mossmeister.  

 

Some noteworthy table tennis was played through out the evening ... here’s how it went ... Pugwash and Patterson put two early points on the board for Titans ... but Saints reversed this trend with four straight wins ... Titans then reversed the reversal by winning the next two ... but the earlier reversal by Saints that was later reversed by Titans was then reversed again with two straight wins for Saints ... we were now into the last three matches of the night.  The first reversal, that was countered by a second reversal, that was undone by the third reversal was now top trumped by a fourth reversal (come on, keep up) ... which took us to the final game with the score standing at 7-6 to Titans.

 

But before we reveal the result of the final nail biting match an ‘off table’ routine needs to be reviewed.  The Titans doubles pairing of Pugwash and Sandra prepared for their match with their own version of the Haka ... their very own ritual ... here’s how it went.

 

First you get an elastic bobble and carefully tie up the hair into a neat pony tail  ... not too tight, just enough to look ready for action ... then you get the girdle (some may say corset) and this goes on ... not too tight, just enough to look ready for action.  Throughout this ritual Sandra just waits patiently until Pugwash is done!

 

The doubles itself was won by Dennis and Scamperer in a close game ... after they had a team hug ... they had bonded during their doubles victory ... Dennis beamed with happiness and said “I’ll be thinking about this when I’m in my bed tonight” ... it’s funny how an innocent comment like this can scare a man in shorts.

 

Anyway back to the final game.  Saints are down 7-6.  Neatly trimmed, modern looking lamb chop is up against the pony-tailed corset boy.  Lamb Chop beat Pony Tail.  But the talking point was the seven nets to two that Lamb Chop had in the game.  A seven all draw.  Fair do’s really.

 

Theresa May was guest pundit in the Sky Sports studio ... “now that I’m stepping down as Prime Minister I’ll be able to come and watch more live games at Leigh” ... man the barricades everyone!

Crusaders v Dragons 10th June 2019

The Leigh Summer League 2019 got under way with two division one matches. Saints v Titans and this encounter Crusaders v Dragons. Two changes Gentle Jim out on hols in Bolton and they think it’s all over Ian with an ear infection. In come the limping Owdmon and river Foss Nick.

The Dragons start rapid firing red hot shots all over winning the first two sets. Crusaders joint favourites for this years title with Steve Left peg Williams at the helm and the young guns Jacob & Adam backing up with the experience of Jim/David to guide this well oiled machine.

It didn’t take long before Lefty and the Wizard Whitworth had them level at 2 all, but this years comp looks to be the closest yet and the Dragons pair took the doubles followed by a win for Galeforce against the studying hard in the corner Davies. 4 – 2 Dragons.

With the next four games being shared it left the Dragons 6 – 4 up this including a gem of a game of doubles between young guns Jacob/Adam and old gits Garfin/Goulden with the youngsters taking it 13-11 in the last.

Four left to play and it looked over when Galeforce took down the Owdmon after Owdmon had let a 9-3 lead slip in the first 7-4 Dragons three to play it’s all over Ian shouted from the stands.

Hang on the crowd are on the pitch but the wizard waves his wand and he beats back the fired up Dragons number one the hammer Naylor......... is this the start of a comeback NO it’s river Foss next v the studying young Davies. Bang Crash Wallop Dynamic Davies is back 2 nil and Lefty Williams cleans up the ashes against Twin Goulden and completes the comeback. It finishes 7 all would you believe it.

The Wizard Whitworth 100% takes the MoM award.

 

Theresa May was guest pundit in the Sky Sports studio on the other table and reviewing this one Michael Gove... “I’ve seen stuff like this before fairy lights, spinning tops, snakes on planes, giant man eating mushrooms”….Mr Gove this is table tennis in Leigh …”Oh I thought I was in Corbin’s London party house with Diane Abbott doing Coke maths exams…sorry...anyone got a line”.